I’ve been to the past, I’m already back, the decision to go was made long before I had the ticket. Clinging to bits of my past, my memory is ensnared, addicted to the thought of fine tuning mistakes made in the precedent. I saw myself, surrounded by friends, looking care-free, embracing each moment. So naive, any greener and I would be one with nature. I could see the glimmer in my eyes, the way I looked at people, seeing a radiant light within strangers; no walls around me. I was done spectating, I needed to talk to myself; this was my long-awaited chance to right the wrongs I had made; making poor choices obsolete. A conversation in the mind with my past self, my only means of direct communication. I told him, without pause, to get hardened, to lower expectations, to blow out the well-lit candles I saw in strangers. Much to my surprise, he was not listening; his hands were in his ears.
Don’t you know who I am? I asked, only to get a gentle smile in response.
You need to listen to me, I’m here to help you. He told me he already knew that, but how? it did not make any sense. Six years ago, how could I have known that I would see myself?
“That’s easy, you’ve been here, five times to be exact”
Five times? How was that even possible, I only had one ticket.
“I’ve already said no four times, trust me, you’re not gonna change my mind” , he paused and smiled, “Besides, your times’ up”
-and just like that, I was back. Was it possible, that through five separate alternate realities I had opted to go back and change the past? and failed?
I sat down, trying to soak in what i had just witnessed. Maybe all along I had been looking at everything the wrong way; maybe I’ve been fooling myself from the start. I’m not stronger, I’m not more perceptive, I’m just broken. In a battle with life, i had fought multiple rounds, but lost. My past self, he was focused, repellent of negative thoughts, ready to take on anything and everything thrown at him.
All along, I had been thinking I’m fighting what life has to offer, but in truth, I was running away; unable to cope, accepting defeat. With such a realization I could not help but laugh at myself and how weak I had become. My views of a future self being wiser, just like the movies, had been watered down; never in a million years would I have thought I could learn something from my young and immature mind. Looking at myself in the mirror, I see a small glimmer in my eyes, its faint, but I see it returning. I’m smiling because I know what it means, I’m about to have one more battle round with life.
The moment which breaks the chain, a pattern you thought would stick, the moment your heart is used like a door mat, “welcome”. A singular moment that defines who you truly are, and what you’re capable of. Are you the kind of person, who will rally manifestations of that negative energy and use it as a weapon to quench your own need for revenge? Or is it just another learning experience, in which the battle isn’t totally lost, as you gained knowledge of how to avoid similar occurrences in the future?
Moments in which these bad events happen sometimes come in bits and pieces, like break intervals in a boxing match, giving us time to heal in-between. This isn’t the case all the time though, at times a bad moment can come with the force of an avalanche, looking to flatten what little humanity you have left precipitously. A moment, in which a relationship you thought was built on roses, turns out to be a game, and you’re just a pawn. Its a road constructed on moments. Beautiful beginnings, brutal realisations and unexpected outcomes; a labyrinth of unpredictable events that are waiting for us. All we can do is be ready for these moments by building formidable defense bunkers; because its through these kind of moments that we prove our worth, our resilience, our dedication as well as our will, to keep moving forward.
I only recently started blogging in an effort to share what i write with the world, the main aim was to escape my comfort zone and get to see what other people (besides my friends) thought about what i write. I needed to see what random people who don’t even know me would think; because i wasn’t sure if my friends were just trying to make me feel better. Having experienced what the blogosphere has to offer, i am not disappointed, in fact, i’m wondering why i didn’t start blogging much earlier. It has only been a few days and i feel right at home, the poems i’m seeing are truly awe inspiring, there is a lot of talent to be found here and i’m looking forward to reading what everyone has to say. The people are very welcoming, within the first few hours i felt accepted, i felt a strong sense of belonging as people told me they liked what i was writing.
To those following my blog, i’ll try my best not to disappoint; I put effort into each piece i write, every line is meant to captivate; no followers will be taken for granted. I look forward to seeing the comments, especially the criticisms; i believe telling me where i’m lacking is vital for my development as a writer, and i’ll always listen. Recently i was given the Liebster award and that made me feel good, i felt a strong urge to pick up the pen and attack pages of my drafting book ferociously. I plan to get to know more people, considering i’ll be here for a long time, the journey has only just begun.
Let the words flow, don’t force it.
An open mouth spews the wrong liquid.
Much like hydro-power,
Let the text drive the turbines.
Loosen your wrists as you harness drizzling thoughts;
You are in control.
Discern the muddled,
Eliminate the befuddled.
Pen strokes, shaping letters,
A different world where a few lines make a difference.
Leaving pages bedazzled,
Snares for the weary,
Exertion in exchange for a higher level of aesthetics;
Calm thoughts are the currency.
Thriving with consistency,
Minor changes in the flow;
Recalling multiple cogs of inspiration,
Fatigue is not an option, only an uninspired excuse.
From the clouds, water rains down,
At times, it runs-off;
But true to nature, it always goes back up.
I would like to thank Number the stars for nominating me for The Liebster Award. A great way for new bloggers to connect and interact with one another.
Here are the rules:
1. Link back to the blogger who nominated you.
2. Answer the 11 questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you.
3. Nominate 11 other bloggers with less than 200 followers.
4. Go to the blogs you nominated and notify them of your nomination.
5. Give your nominees 11 questions to answer.
Here are the answers to the questions Number the stars asked:
1. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
My mornings are always so hazy, but if I was to take note of my most prevalent thoughts in the morning I would say my girlfriend (Dee-dee). Considering the fact that most of the time when I wake up the first thing I do is check my phone for any messages from her. In summary, the first thing I thought of this morning was my girlfriend.
2. Describe your regular day.
I wake up early for morning lessons, even though I stay on campus, I sometimes find myself arriving late for lessons; the irony. I keep in contact with my girlfriend and brother (Saad) over the phone through-out the course of the day. Occasionally, I visit my sister’s office to catch up on daily events; its always a blast. Other than that, if there are no major plans for the day, I play games online, watch movies, write or draw.
3. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Yes, I would like to be known as a good writer, someone who gives inspiration to prospective writers.
4. Name one fictional character that you could relate with.
Max Payne, definitely Max Payne. Not for his Alcohol abuse or how he treats pain-killers like Tic-tacs; mainly how he uses his inner monologue to answer questions being addressed verbally. He spends most of his time thinking and not speaking, i have a similar trait, though i highly doubt its as cool as his hahaha.
It doesn’t matter to me to be honest, i keep an open mind. I will admit, i would be shocked if a 70 year old man wanted to date a 15 year old girl. Otherwise i believe love is love, everyone is entitled to it.
6. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?
This is a good one, i dreamt of myself at my college (Monash South Africa) , it was fused with my home in Moscow and a small chunk of my former high school. For some reason, everything made sense in the dream, like it had been like that for years. Oh, and another thing, for some reason, i couldn’t find my clothes. Noone could notice i was naked, talking to me like everything is normal. Apparently in that alternate reality i was a nudist.
7. If you can ask a psychic one question about the future, what will it be?
Will I fulfill the promise I made to my uncle
8. Name 5 things that give you pleasure.
Playing games, listening to music, writing (naturally), talking to my family and you know …
9. Do you agree that the end does not justify the means?
Yes, i consider ethics in most of the things i do; i’m prone to always take the super-hero route, its been a habit ever since i was a kid.
10. If you have to give someone a random piece of advice, what would it be?
Be yourself, no-one can do a better job of being you than you.
11. Complete the sentence: _______ is better with _______.
Tea is better with sugar. (i know right?)
To keep this fun-train going, i’d like to nominate the following blogs for the Liebster award:
Life of the John
Life – The Dani Way
From the evidence to the hope
“My life is a message”
Glasses of 8
My Extraordinary Everyday Life
My questions for the bloggers are:
1. Favorite Horror movie? if you don’t like them, why?
2. What would you do if you won the lottery?
3. Which form of public transport do you prefer? why?
4. What was you favorite holiday?
5. Have you ever been on TV?
6. What is your least favorite word?
7. In X’s and O’s which do you normally pick?
8. What is your most used word?
9. Do you believe in aliens?
10. What is your opinion on rats?
11. What is your most embarrassing moment?
I look forward to the answers, don’t forget to link all your answers back to my blog. Thank you :).
Thoughts run in tandem with the ink, feelings are channeled from the cerebrum and onto the blank canvas. Ever so often, ideas are scattering and merging like water at dew point. I fathom that i am lost within myself, as if my very being has gone incognito and altered bearings. The black and white antenna provides a better broadcast for those who wish to get a better signal.
It is an arduous task, initiating written voyages with different colored paper fluids,expecting the masses to comprehend the situation; after all, a pen can sometimes be the best brain prop. However, giving palpability to my own thinking in due course provides a formula, one that i utilize to brew a solution. I no longer feel stagnant like a hamster on a tread-mill, i feel my mental self traversing over social barriers… i feel, progress.
This place, is not my image of absolution, its one of the many checkpoints; there’s a journey yet ahead. On a stage filled with lush vegetation and liquidated soil, I feel at peace. As cool as whiskey on the rocks, this domain oozes of hospitality. Tempted to pitch a tent and call this home, but my mind tells me otherwise. This is not my full potential, I deny the thought; the fog of war still lingers above the darkest recesses in this barren wasteland. There is still more to explore, I owe it to myself and those who believe in me to unveil every nook and cranny that this place has to offer. I look back at my place of rest and wonder if its all worth leaving. Does all I hope to achieve truly lie somewhere within the sand dunes?
Lacerations well placed on my face, sandstorm grains doing what they do best. As I push forward with nothing but hope as my guide. A collective mirage of dreams, uneven in nature like the given terrain. Back-tracking through my withered journals. Flipping pages soiled by fragments of the desert; the earth’s idea of a joke, giving a whole new meaning to sand paper. Triangulating my position, give it time, success may be in the next step.
A figure that deserves more than one look,
Sculpted with patience and revoked of flaws.
From a crate of empty bottles
Came one which is undefined by the contemporary,
Filled to the brim with perfection.
Like a rare gem,
The figure glitters,
Bearing traits of a mannequin display;
Gaining the attention of those who pass it
A pure reversal on Midas touch,
To those who gain the privilege to get into contact with it;
More meaning is given.
Life is a journey, filled with multiple forks in the road; a pathway lacking carriage markings, the signs are not apparent. Recollecting the past, remembering the moments that need editing; a momentary glimpse of events occurring in ways I wish they would. A sense of nostalgia that has us wishing we could go back in time, for minor re-adjustments. Feeling like a funambulist on a tight rope, the idea of choice is obsolete; I can only look where I am going, forward. Rough patches are a given, In a race to the top, barriers are nothing more than building material for stepping-stones. Dwelling on the past, wishing for change; a mission that bears no success in reality, only in the mind. Yesterday is a relic to change, well out of our reach, today and tomorrow are well within our sights. We are not alone on this journey, it is an exodus to the future; a future in which all of us, much like a band, play a part. So let us reminisce, but at the same time remember that our past is gone and done for; what we need to focus on is our present and how it is going to change our future.
Live life to its fullest, a literal beacon of joy, illuminating the dark thoughts of loss and despair within peoples’ minds. Striving to be the people who cause happiness wherever they go, not whenever they go.
The love blossoms for yet another day like a flower in its early revelation; with a field covered by red roses of passion and an abundance of green; a symbolic renewal of energy that will last a life time. The sun encompasses the entire valley and goes through the venetian blinds with a soothing warm light, an illumination that does not only resemble hope, but an everlasting beacon and reminder of the sensation within me every time you are close. A small breeze that brings a strong calm within me every time I recall us staring out into the distance. The photographic memory of the minute details on the landscape embedded with the different shades of colour, seamless artistry. Looking at the clouds and envisioning different shapes and forms that we brought to life.
I look at our foot-prints situated in places untrodden, simple markings that show how many adventures we had. Holding your hand and feeling the steady pace of your pulse against mine as we walk to our desired location. An unintentional yet beautiful collaboration of our hearts pulsating in a rhythm like calisthenics. Looking into your eyes and seeing a reflection of a face that no longer needs a mask of deceptive joy. There is no doubt that everything is headed in a positive direction, it’s a current of water that is leading to only one thing, happiness.
-Dante CLOUDs part 1